Many women, after having a child, experience mountains of depression.
People who have not given birth cannot at all understand. Husbands and significant other's (SO) think they understand, but become quickly impatient when they feel you should be over it and back to catering to their needs. And why can't you stop being selfish and just be happy you have a baby to take care of for the rest of your life?
A lot of people take postpartum depression as a joke. It's a very serious thing and without proper support and sometimes, therapy, some women can become violent in their depression and act out to get someone to take notice. Many people don't realize that every woman goes through some form of postpartum depression and many actually go through it in varying degrees for most of their lives.
Some woman become shells that hold nothing more than the interests and activities of their children. When the kids move out, there's nothing left because she never found out who she is, A.B., after birth, and she either becomes an empty automaton, a clingy uber-mom, or she tries to "find" herself again after years of not knowing, while everyone else in her life acts and treats her like she has somehow "lost it".
I could list a million things that contribute to postpartum depression but I will only mention what I feel are some of the top reasons:
Loss of identity and self-worth: You completely lose yourself when you get married and have a child and there's no time or energy to try and find out who you are now.
Weight Gain:
Nothing Fits: this may seem the same as weight gain but it's not. You see, when you have a baby, it's not just your clothes that don't fit.
Mayo Clinic- Postpartum Depression definitions, causes, symptoms, support
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546
Postpartum Support International
http://www.postpartum.net/
People who have not given birth cannot at all understand. Husbands and significant other's (SO) think they understand, but become quickly impatient when they feel you should be over it and back to catering to their needs. And why can't you stop being selfish and just be happy you have a baby to take care of for the rest of your life?
A lot of people take postpartum depression as a joke. It's a very serious thing and without proper support and sometimes, therapy, some women can become violent in their depression and act out to get someone to take notice. Many people don't realize that every woman goes through some form of postpartum depression and many actually go through it in varying degrees for most of their lives.
Some woman become shells that hold nothing more than the interests and activities of their children. When the kids move out, there's nothing left because she never found out who she is, A.B., after birth, and she either becomes an empty automaton, a clingy uber-mom, or she tries to "find" herself again after years of not knowing, while everyone else in her life acts and treats her like she has somehow "lost it".
I could list a million things that contribute to postpartum depression but I will only mention what I feel are some of the top reasons:
Loss of identity and self-worth: You completely lose yourself when you get married and have a child and there's no time or energy to try and find out who you are now.
- You are no longer you, you're someone's mom, someone's wife, and everyone's scapegoat.
- Everything you knew about yourself has changed including the texture of your skin.
- You are now invisible. And people tell you it all the time. Folks tell me all the time that I can't come see them unless I bring the baby. Everytime I walk into a room, no-one exclaims oh how pretty, or hi, how are you? It's always, "Where's the baby?"
- You used to be a strong woman who felt she could take on anything. Now all you can do is cry about that stupid commercial about needy children in Ethiopia. And a 9lb. newly diapered, fed, and burped baby that is for SOME reason still crying totally defeats you.
- All of a sudden you're allergic to your favorite perfume
- Now that you've had the miracle everyone was so excited for, every woman and, sometimes, man you are close with has helpful hints and tips on how to make you look better so your S.O. doesn't cheat or leave you. Because having their child isn't enough to keep them interested and boy you look like you just forced a 9lb watermelon through a hole the size of a pinball. So you should get up, dress provocatively, wear more makeup now, wear a girdle, exercise every day, on top of whatever else you have to do,
- When people ask you how you feel, they only wait 0.01 seconds before they begin ignoring your answer.
- Since the world judges a woman's worth by her size and looks, you no longer measure up.
- What you want no longer counts. It's what the baby wants that's important.
- The weight that may have been so easy to get off before, you can't do anything with now. It's all around your stomach and you feel like a cow. Literally. With Milk.
- You look in the mirror and you can't even see the person you were 10 months before. You can barely recognize yourself in pictures: "Who's that old fat chick that looks like the life has been drained completely out of her ? Oh. That's me."
- You realize (if this is your 1st one) that having a baby does not mean that your stomach will go back down. In fact, you probably gained even more weight after the baby was born.
- Where the hell did those double and triple chins come from?
- Your car seems smaller all of a sudden, especially with all the stuff you now have to haul around.
- Your wonderful, wonderful shoes no longer fit,
- which also means that those purses you found to match them no longer fit either.
- Try wearing a thong or low cut jeans, once you've had a c-section. Yeah, right, muffin top.
- Sometimes your SO even reverts back to their childhood. Often you find yourself with two children who can't do or find anything for themselves and constantly want your attention.
- All of the help and coddling that people told you would happen while you were pregnant, and never happened, continues to not happen and you mostly end up doing everything and learning how to do it all on your own.
- Everyone you know congratulates, pats on the back, and tells your SO "Good Job!" Like they had anything to do with the actual baking and birth of the baby. Even though you just spent 10 months working on this special delivery, you just get pushed out of the way while everyone struggles to get at your child. Chopped Liver gets a warmer greeting.
- Once you're pregnant, you realize that everyone lied to you and this is NOT the best time of your life. It is the worst. You can't eat, sleep, breathe, drink caffeine or alcohol, eat seafood or lunch meat, stay cool, put on your shoes, wear your clothes, and you are constantly hungry but cannot hold anything down (yet still gaining weight like crazy) , all due to the alien inside who seems to really hate you. Your SO tells you how sorry he is that you can't eat while he scarfs down anything his heart desires.
- And the list of things you can't do expands once the baby is born: Drive by yourself, go to a bar and have a beer at lunch time (babies don't really like bars), take a nap, take a long bath, poop alone, etc.
Lack of Mobility:
- Right after giving birth and sometimes for months, you are trapped. You're thinking, I had the baby and now life can begin again, but no, you have to stay with baby always. And baby can't go too many places right after birth, so neither can you.
- Everywhere you go, diapers and bottles and wipes, oh, my! You're carrying around more baggage than that lady living out of the grocery basket. It's heavy, it's tiring, and you still cannot lose any weight.
With pressure to be the perfect Donna Reed wife and mother things can get daunting and scary. Remember that no mother is perfect, we all make mistakes. And if you can just get through it, these are the things you will remember and laugh at in the future.
Most importantly, these are the things you will be able to guilt your children into cleaning their rooms and bringing you ice-cream in bed.
I understand that things can get incredibly rough, but there are people there to help through trying times. Please take the time to find help. If you find you need help or support, try the addresses below:
Most importantly, these are the things you will be able to guilt your children into cleaning their rooms and bringing you ice-cream in bed.
I understand that things can get incredibly rough, but there are people there to help through trying times. Please take the time to find help. If you find you need help or support, try the addresses below:
Mayo Clinic- Postpartum Depression definitions, causes, symptoms, support
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546
Postpartum Support International
http://www.postpartum.net/
For More Information . . .
For more information on depression during and after pregnancy, call womenshealth.gov at 1-800-994-9662 or contact the following organizations.
National Institute of Mental Health, NIH, HHS
Phone: (301) 496-9576
Internet Address: http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Phone: (301) 496-9576
Internet Address: http://www.nimh.nih.gov
National Mental Health Information Center, SAMHSA, HHS
Phone: (800) 789-2647
Internet Address: http://www.mentalhealth.org
Phone: (800) 789-2647
Internet Address: http://www.mentalhealth.org
Postpartum Support International
Phone: (800) 944-4PPD, (800) 944-4773
Internet Address: http://www.postpartum.net
Phone: (800) 944-4PPD, (800) 944-4773
Internet Address: http://www.postpartum.net
All material contained in this FAQ is free of copyright restrictions, and may be copied, reproduced, or duplicated without permission of the Office on Women's Health in the Department of Health and Human Services. Citation of the source is appreciated.
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