You know that feeling when it's so cold that each inhalation feels like an icy knife slicing your throat, burning your nostrils with cold fire? When each gust of wind is a bold thief stealing your very life force and will to carry on? When no amount of clothing layering, petroleum jelly slathering, or scary face mask wearing can insolate you from the chill that has become a part of your very soul?
Me neither, until today.
Egads, it's cold out there!
So my question is this: What is your deal, Jack Frost? Have you lost your effing MIND?
I mean, I'm a Southern Gal. I'm yellow sundresses, sipping iced tea and spiked lemonade on the front porch, not navy snowsuits scraping, ice off my Mazda's windshield. There's this white stuff floating around in the air that people are calling snow and it's 14 degrees outside today. Fourteen degrees and the "real feel" is 0. What is that? That's not a real temperature!
This is not MY winter!
My winter is a chilly affair of about 30 degrees where we throw on a sweater and a coat to go outside. We blow in our hands when we come inside. We proclaim, "Woo! It's cold out there!" with a slight shiver for emphasis and a warm, smug feeling in our hearts that we at least dont have to deal with weather like "those Northerners". Boy did they pick the wrong side of the Mason- Dixon line. Hee-hee.
But now. Now! We're not used to this kind of insanity. Witches tits would shrivel, curl up, and burst into a million little ice particles in this cold. A couple weeks ago, actual ice fell from the sky! Ice! What are you trying to murder us? We're Sou-ther-ners! We only take ice in our Hennessey and Cokes.
Just what the holy hell is WRONG with you?
Polar Vortex. Someone oughta whoop your ass. What has your superhero underoos all in a bunch? Easter Bunny won't play with you? Rodney Dangerfield getting more respect? I DON'T CARE! You better get your act together and soon. Nobody cares about your infantile little temper(ature) tantrum. Stop it!
Me neither, until today.
Egads, it's cold out there!
So my question is this: What is your deal, Jack Frost? Have you lost your effing MIND?
I mean, I'm a Southern Gal. I'm yellow sundresses, sipping iced tea and spiked lemonade on the front porch, not navy snowsuits scraping, ice off my Mazda's windshield. There's this white stuff floating around in the air that people are calling snow and it's 14 degrees outside today. Fourteen degrees and the "real feel" is 0. What is that? That's not a real temperature!
This is not MY winter!
My winter is a chilly affair of about 30 degrees where we throw on a sweater and a coat to go outside. We blow in our hands when we come inside. We proclaim, "Woo! It's cold out there!" with a slight shiver for emphasis and a warm, smug feeling in our hearts that we at least dont have to deal with weather like "those Northerners". Boy did they pick the wrong side of the Mason- Dixon line. Hee-hee.
Just what the holy hell is WRONG with you?
Polar Vortex. Someone oughta whoop your ass. What has your superhero underoos all in a bunch? Easter Bunny won't play with you? Rodney Dangerfield getting more respect? I DON'T CARE! You better get your act together and soon. Nobody cares about your infantile little temper(ature) tantrum. Stop it!
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